rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
