Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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