No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
