Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
