i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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