forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
