Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
