You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
