you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
