i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
