I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
