when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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