Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
