I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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