if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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