we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
