the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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