i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
