im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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