My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
