I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
