im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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