I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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