im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
