Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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