I CAN MOONWALK!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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