i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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