hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
