Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
