the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
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good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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