I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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