He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
