I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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