Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
