Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
