I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
