hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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