his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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