Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
