Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
