Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
