K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
