I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
