omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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