Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
