Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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