so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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