So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
