Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
