P.S. I can't hear my feet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
