he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
