I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
