last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you would pick up someone in the library
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
