dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
