I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
