What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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