My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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