hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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