Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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