I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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