It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
