It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
