What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
