I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my being single is dangerous.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
