Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
