I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
