Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
