think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
