i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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