Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
