Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
