A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
