Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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