Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
