I will die if light touches me.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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