My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
