She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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